The Monster Within

I feel abandoned- left to fend for myself on a deserted island

So alone- no one understands me or why I feel what I feel

And I don’t understand them either

It’s me against the wild things right now

I don’t know who’s right; I just know that I’m losing

But I’m not going down without a fight

I try not to let others affect me

But I’m being torn apart from the inside out

As my emotions explode into a bitter depression

The ones that matter most are ripping my heart to pieces

Sorrowful revenging hate replaces the missing pieces of my heart as I try to piece it together

Leaving me a walking disaster, a vengeful monster, an emotional wreck

Daring anyone to cross me so I can hold a grudge against them also

I’m taking names if you want to add to the growing disease flowing through my veins

The more you cross me, the more this monster of rage inside will take me over

So much so, that it might be the death of me

and I will take the grudge you helped me form to the grave

Test me if you don’t believe me

Worms

Begging for advice that no one can give

and talking at everyone that has a second to spare,

so I can share my pathetic love story- or lack thereof

only to hear nothing that calms my soul.

Seeking for answers that no one else can possess;

Revelations that could only stream from your lips,

yet your lips are pursed; adamant to let nothing escape.

Instead of tranquilizing my troubles, you go in for a kiss

I reject, not because I don’t want to,

but because this brings more questions that will go unanswered.

This opens a whole new bag of worms that will mingle with the others wiggling in my stomach,

already causing a rare pain throughout my entire core

making me want to throw them up.

I’d rather receive your answers, but you’d rather open more bags of worms

We both know you love to see me squirm;

the outer appearance of what I feel inside

While you sit back and relax, you let me do all the work and wondering

What are you hiding behind your pursed lips?

What are you gaining from my losses?

Tell me your answers, so I can swallow your words and kill these worms

Don’t let them eat me first.

Can't Face These Faces

These streets are sprinkled with faces I use to know
Scattered memories re-collect as I brush arms with a few
Some recognize, some don't, that we use to share a past
But the moment goes uncharished as one or both pretend not to notice
So busy with our own lives it doesn't even matter anymore
Avoiding eye contact so we don't have to speak
or throwing a brief smile to those who I catch glancing-
those faces of my past that I am not ready to face;
Faces I don't want to remember
I'm not ready to be remembered for who I was
Not ready to be seen for who I am
I'm not ready to face these faces -
that could re-open the scabs that I've tried so hard to keep shut all these years
Yet I pick at them myself, in my sleep, and then wonder why they wont scar over
So afraid that these faces won't let go of the past- when really that's my problem
They've forgotten years ago, they barely only recognize my face

Love-sick Damsel

Here I am- tossing rocks at your window again

Wanting you to open up and let me in

or for you to come down; to climb down your trellis

and meet me at the bottom of your vined lattice

To come down off of your towering pedestal

and take a look at the one who came to call

At least take a glimpse at this desperate display

of the love-sick damsel that I portray

The least you can do is open up your curtain

so that we both may know for certain

who we are to each other; if anything at all-

Come down; or let me climb up your wall.

Moment of Realization

I am so happy for you right now

This moment brought clarity somehow

You had me all sixes and sevens

I’m brighter now for so many reasons

I’m so ecstatic for myself at this time

So content, so peaceful, so sublime

Having forgotten the crap you put me through

I can now smile for the both of you

I’ve been granted the greatest epiphany

I’m so grateful that she isn’t me

So thankful for this new inspiration

Her face is not mine on the invitation

I’m so elated that I’m not her

And that that ring is not on my finger

That dress is not fitted to my body

And that your food and guests are not my worry

I am not yours with the biggest smile

I’ve not felt this way in the longest while

The world is mine to conquer

I am not yours for I am not her.

Just Like You

Well, I finally gave up on you,

Took me long enough right?

Yet I’m still waiting

Waiting for someone exactly like you

Well, not exactly, cuz he’d leave me hanging too

But someone that looks like you, and smells like you, and acts like you

But someone that looks at me more, smiles at me more, and wants me more

Someone that likes talking to me because he likes me

And not because he likes the sound of his own voice

Someone that likes to look good,

But not so good that he expects perfection in the girl he dates

Someone that likes to travel,

but that would want to explore me more than the world

Someone that loves to be active,

but not active enough to never be around when I call

Someone that works hard,

But not hard enough to expect the world to owe him something in return

Someone that is experienced,

but not enough to make me feel like a 12 year old child

Someone that is mysterious,

But not enough to keep me guessing for as long as you did

Someone strong, but not enough to bruise me this bad again.

Someone almost identical to you

Someone just like you,

Just…not you.

Why is it, that the picture worth a thousand words- leaves me speechless!?!