It's OK

You were my drug of choice,
You brought me my highest highs
Without you I’d hit my lowest lows
I fought so hard to keep you-
to keep up with my habit of your toxic injection,
that I failed to see the harm you caused.
I convinced myself I’d be happier just eating the crumbs off your table,
than if I was well treated or taken care of by anyone else
It took five years of lying to you, myself, and the world to finally hit rock bottom
Five years of blissful torture to finally have the courage to want to give you up
Five years to finally ask you for something
All I wanted after five years were four one-syllable words
And you finally gave me one thing I requested
For some reason after five years “I. don’t. like. you.” set me free
It was my tender mercy from the heavens
telling me it’s ok to let you go
It’s finally ok to fly free
And I’m taking that chance to soar
I’ve forgotten what freedom felt like
and I’m gliding through clouds
Funny enough, I never felt I've flown so high
Than on the night I finally told you goodbye

Just Me

Here I am. All 5 ft 7 inches and 123 lbs of me, standing in my flip-flops, blue jeans, and favorite hoodie, in front of you. This is it! This is all I am. This is all you'll get. There's nothing more. No tricks up my sleeves. No gimmicks. No after-party with fireworks, orchestras, and circus gymnasts.
I’m just me. Simple...plain...predictable. No sassy struts in size zero pants and stiletto heels. No faddy name-brand shirts or manicured french-tipped fake fingernails. No platinum blonde up-do or face made-up for the red carpet. There's no part of that in me. I can act, but not good enough to pretend to be your mysterious fashionista, your trophy, or your Victoria Secret’s Sex-kitten. I've been told too many times to count that I'm silly or too nice. Honestly, I’m kind of a nerdy-girl-next-door type. Make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into before you agree to this. Am I what you want for forever? Is this what you’ve bargained for? Don’t imagine me to be someone I’m not. Because this is all I am - I’m just me!

Abrasive

I’m not careless

I just couldn’t care less

Call me heartless, a B****, a dude, or whatever

I’ve never considered this to last forever

I don’t know how you were so mistaken when you read me

I guess ‘Actress of the year’ award goes to me

I apologize; I didn’t mean to displease you

It’s not that I really meant to tease you

It’s not that I think I’m above you

I just couldn’t bring myself to love you

Wasted Kisses

Sitting alone in bed, late night thinking

I’ve grown quite accustom to my routine

Over analyzing- it’s what I do best.

What did I do? Where did I go wrong? Blah, blah, blah…and all that bull crap

In all my pondering I have come to a few conclusions

I liked your lips long before I knew your speech

I liked your looks long before I picked your pea -sized brain

I liked your eyes long before I saw your soul

And I liked the idea of having a man long before I had you

And there’ve been too many wasted miles on my odometer

Too many wasted minutes on my cell phone

Too many wasted glances from my eyes

Too many wasted nights in your arms

And too many wasted kisses from my lips to ever date you again

Thank you for making it so easy to say goodbye.

Words From Grandma

 I've been so busy, but I see you
I catch glimpses when I have time to
In life, I know how hard you try
and noone is prouder than I
You've grown so lively and becoming
wonders for you are still forthcoming
It's only a short time til you see my face
only a little while til we again embrace
it's not long before soon
we'll be in the same room
I can't wait to have a heart-to-heart
and catch up on what I've missed since we've been apart
It's not long after soon, but it's in some time
You've still some mountains to climb
just remember all of us at home are rooting for you
and at difficult times please see the grander view
we'll help as much as we are able
until we again feast at the same table
I can't wait til you are here at last
back in your home from the past
I'll walk you up the trail
that leads to our home beyond the veil

Peter-Pan

I fell for a lie that I know I’m better than

I trapped myself in a fake relationship that never even began

Instead of diving in, I should have ran

I idealized a romance with a boylike man

That didn’t even care to know who I really am

I overlooked so much in my dream-mode life span

To not even notice that I was never part of HIS future plan

I’m finally back from Never-Never Land –

and will remain the Wendy to this Peter-Pan.

Keep Lying

Lying to yourself is still a form of lying
your heart still knows for whom it's pining
You can tell yourself you're done and you're over him,
but when he becomes a part of your every whim
there's no use in stating you no longer care
cuz you're still a prisoner in your own pathetic lair
There are so many other guys that could better suit your needs
but your past keeps you tied to him, even by noxious weeds
The subconscious is not as stupid as you think
You gotta quench your thirst somehow, but he is not the drink
Finding someone new will be harder than hell,
but he is an empty well
and cannot fulfill your life, or even a small part
You cannot wait any longer for his heart