Hand on the door knob

What the hell are you doing with me?

I’m not a time-filler and am not looking for one

I’m not looking for a make-out buddy

I have plenty of other dudes that I could use for that

I’m not a ragdoll

I will not be tossed around for your pleasure

and will not let you get grass stains or mud on my clothes, face, or ego

I will not wait forever for you

I understand your situation, but do you understand mine?

Cuz right now, I’m fed up and just need one answer before I walk

What the hell are you doing with me?

Detour

I somehow missed the turnoff,

For the road I was suppose to take

I need to turn around

But the directions are so opaque

I didn’t pay attention

But I’m definitely on someone else’s road

This one clearly is not mine

I will not make this one my abode

There is no U-turn sign in the distance

So I keep driving straight

I wonder how long I’ll be going

And how I missed the street that led to MY fate

I wasn’t suppose to be single at 30

Or making just a little more than minimum wage

By now I should have the title mommy

I'm telling you, I’m in the wrong book –and turning the wrong page

I’ve accomplished quite a bit tho

And I have kept learning and growing

I can apply it all to my REAL life

When I get to where I’m going

Distance

I keep telling myself

Long distance is only a frame of mind

He may be hours away by car, or days by foot

But he’s only minutes by jet, and inches by some maps

Looking at the grander scheme, the world map has us only a pinky tip’s length apart

Yet why do I feel he’s an eternity away?

Why do I feel like he’s gone forever?

Why does my heart sit on my stomach and cause water to fall from my eyes?

At a pinky length apart he could hold me and calm my sobs

He could warm my body with his

My hair could sway from the breeze of his laughter

I could get chills from the feel of his touch

But he’s NOT that close

He’s days away

And well, to put it frankly

Maps lie.

Procrastination

I have finally begun
I feel pride in what I've done
I wouldn't call myself a martyr
but I'm def'nitely not a starter
It takes hours to think up a topic
My mind's eye is myopic
but I am getting somewhere
this paper isn't completely bare
I am changing the past
there is movement of the pen at last
I'm finally in the writing stage
yup, my name is now on the page.

Sitting at the Edge of the World

Feet dangling over the edge of the world

Feeling so small yet so loved

I’m not even a speck on the map of the universe

Yet I am at peace knowing the grander plan

Seeing the hustle and bustle of everyday lives

And recognizing the chaos below me

From way up here I am clear and free

And I choose to look at the skies.

There is beauty all around

Sometimes you just have to take the time to look for it

But Then

My day begins normal; just like most others

I wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, and get my breakfast to-go.

I get in the car and hit the road to work

But then…but then, it happens.

Something triggers me and snaps me out of reality

The need, the addiction throbs like a headache

Or maybe it causes the headache-

Either way, the throbbing makes me wake up

It makes me drive a little faster
Nothing beats getting this fix.

I missed this feeling; I crave this feeling!

The itch hits like a rhythm-keeping bass drum

No, it IS the rhythm-keeping bass drum

I blare my speakers at full capacity

I necessitate the rush and how it flows through my veins

The need drives me…

But then…but then the song ends.

I turn the volume down, but my smile remains.

My day continues normal; just like most others. 

Unexpected Moments

As I sat next to you
Our conversation brought us to things I’d never talked about before
I shared secrets
And realized I left myself exposed
Stripped of the walls I kept so high
Walls I had never let fall until that moment
Showing you who I really was
Hoping you’d accept me for every little imperfection
I searched your eyes for an inkling of what you’d say
Finding you impossible to read,
Insecurity swept over me and caused my cheeks to flush
I longed for my old walls to bury me
Bury me under the embarrassment of this eternal pause
I shift in my position to stand and walk away
But you took hold of my hand and pulled me into you to save the moment
You kissed my lips with a tenderness I never knew existed
A kiss so soft I had to peek to make sure it was real
Our first kiss couldn’t have been at a better moment.
You promised there would be many more to come
And I’m looking forward to each and every one.