Charmer

So many ways to say what I yearn to say, yet I prefer to stay silent

Whether for fear of rejection or fear of acceptance, I fear I do not know

But fear is a factor that is paralyzing my outside and ripping my insides to shreds.

In the circus that is my life, I’m the tight rope walker hoping not to fall,

or the trapeze-girl hoping the boy will catch me when I let go of the swing.

In a perfect scenario he is the net or the boy on the other trapeze.

But I have already dubbed him the snake charmer, the lion tamer, the ring leader of my heart.

I have fallen in the past and am hoping that the third time’s the charm in falling for the charmer.

You’d think after two times of repairing the damages to my heart,

I’d learn to stay away from this boy.

For he is just a boy, but this boy is not ordinary.

He’s tamed this lioness, lulled the rattlesnake in me to sleep,

and performed his tricks to win my heart.

And somehow I fall for his charm every time he decides to come back around.

I’m just hoping this time will be different, but it will not differ unless I find the words to say.

I don’t have them yet- but just maybe when I find them-

they will change our roles and I will be the lion tamer and he the tight-rope walker.
Just gotta find the words to say

Before it’s too late

The Architect

And so I build

An idealistic fantasy, a castle-like structure

Its beauty is indescribable; Intricacies are etched into each stone

Corridors leading nowhere line the gardens- an unsolvable labyrinth

Protecting my masterpiece- a wall

Longer than the Great Wall of China

Stronger than gravity

Taller than the eye can see

Thicker than the lifetime it would take to try and drill through it

I own the rights to that wall

With one thought I can collapse it and with half a thought it returns better than ever

This wall has been my protector

Guarding the gardens of my heart

Keeping all who dare to enter out

A few have, on occasion, miraculously entered

Each man who has somehow convinced me to collapse the blockade,

Was the reason the walls grew taller, stronger, and thicker
after they escaped the vined jungle on the inner walls.

I spend my lifetime stacking stones around my heart

I am ready to tear them down, but I am afraid

And all I know how do is build

And so I build

Only On The Inside

Window’s open on a snowy night

Sitting on the couch with the moonbeam light.

Along with the lonely moon and I,

Sits a stranger nearby.

A stranger I use to know well, well kinda

Sits on the opposite side of the ‘L’ shaped sofa.

Frozen like a statue I sit, silent.

Dividing truth from lies can be so violent.

I sit looking into the darkness feeling nothing.

He sits crying, hoping I say something.

He hangs on my every breath.

The wind blows through my wafting curtains like death

Causing pictures and trinkets to fall south

And also him to open his lying mouth.

“Are you cold?” a question I think deserves a reply

“I am now, but only on the inside.”

*inspired by a friend's situation

Personal Chick-Flick

It hit me like a dream of passion or desire

his icy blue eyes melt me by the flame of the fire

we play tag with our gazes as the fire grows hotter

we catch each other glancing being occupied by others

each ember of the flame is jealous of our spark

as we're caught in the act through the light in the dark-

mouthing words to each other until I finally motion

for him to come join my side of the fire by the ocean

movie-like chemistry stirs the flame

as we introduce ourselves by stating our name

after some great laughs and amazing conversation

cops came to break up the occasion

everyone scatters like cockroaches in the light

a safe distance away and now he's out of my sight

I search but he's gone, never to be seen again

I'm left with the remains of the memory of my dream man.

A Toy With Wheels & A String

You're stringing me along and I'm tired of dragging
I forgave too readily and I'm done forgetting
It's because of boys like you that I act tough, but I'm in agony
My scraped elbows and knees aren't the cause of the pain I'm feeling
I wore my heart on my sleeve
my struggles to break free from you have only ripped and bruised my fragile heart
I went out on a limb for you
and you snapped off the branch I was clinging to
My last branch of hope for the species of boy is now lying beside me
broken on the ground
Your likeness stands over me with a devilish grin
Your victory was my defeat
I look up at you in amazement
How can boys be so cruel?

Just The Beginning

The ocean caused the fog this morning, limiting visibility to just the houses across the street.

A perfect day to cover my dampened locks with a matching scarf and beanie.

With hot chocolate in hand, I step outside and inhale to start my day.

The aroma of jasmine and strawberries fill my nostrils.

It's an odd combination, but it feels like home.

The feeling awakens my senses more than I imagine coffee could.

A moment of self-awareness makes me realize I'm smiling.

I can already tell that this is going to be a great day!