Keep Lying

Lying to yourself is still a form of lying
your heart still knows for whom it's pining
You can tell yourself you're done and you're over him,
but when he becomes a part of your every whim
there's no use in stating you no longer care
cuz you're still a prisoner in your own pathetic lair
There are so many other guys that could better suit your needs
but your past keeps you tied to him, even by noxious weeds
The subconscious is not as stupid as you think
You gotta quench your thirst somehow, but he is not the drink
Finding someone new will be harder than hell,
but he is an empty well
and cannot fulfill your life, or even a small part
You cannot wait any longer for his heart

I Feel You

You're just around the corner, I feel you
I run to my window and wait for your homecoming
I wait like a toddler for his father, like a dog for its owner
I wait with an ear to ear smile and starry eyes
I'm like a giddy school-girl again
I can't wait to jump into your enveloping embrace
and just stay there for as long as you can stay
You're just around the corner- I feel you
The warmth that only you can bring me is locked in my mind
It gets me through life
The thought of you gets me through my winters
I'm ready to dive into you with no restraint, breathe in your scent, and bask in your greatness
Good things are worth waiting for, but the anticipation is driving me crazy
I'm cold and ready for you
You're just around the corner
I can wait, I must wait
I miss you- come to me soon

Just thinking

Thinking... with a pen is a dangerous combination
chiseling thoughts into words that will be seen for the rest of existence
etching brain-waves into phrases
whatever I wish to write
I could engineer a poem to be somebody's legacy or someone's demise
never to be erased
No longer thoughts, they become reality- truth on paper
an open epistle, epithet, or epitaph
whatever I chose
I could make or break you
Pray you dont get on my bad side

Charmer

So many ways to say what I yearn to say, yet I prefer to stay silent

Whether for fear of rejection or fear of acceptance, I fear I do not know

But fear is a factor that is paralyzing my outside and ripping my insides to shreds.

In the circus that is my life, I’m the tight rope walker hoping not to fall,

or the trapeze-girl hoping the boy will catch me when I let go of the swing.

In a perfect scenario he is the net or the boy on the other trapeze.

But I have already dubbed him the snake charmer, the lion tamer, the ring leader of my heart.

I have fallen in the past and am hoping that the third time’s the charm in falling for the charmer.

You’d think after two times of repairing the damages to my heart,

I’d learn to stay away from this boy.

For he is just a boy, but this boy is not ordinary.

He’s tamed this lioness, lulled the rattlesnake in me to sleep,

and performed his tricks to win my heart.

And somehow I fall for his charm every time he decides to come back around.

I’m just hoping this time will be different, but it will not differ unless I find the words to say.

I don’t have them yet- but just maybe when I find them-

they will change our roles and I will be the lion tamer and he the tight-rope walker.
Just gotta find the words to say

Before it’s too late

The Architect

And so I build

An idealistic fantasy, a castle-like structure

Its beauty is indescribable; Intricacies are etched into each stone

Corridors leading nowhere line the gardens- an unsolvable labyrinth

Protecting my masterpiece- a wall

Longer than the Great Wall of China

Stronger than gravity

Taller than the eye can see

Thicker than the lifetime it would take to try and drill through it

I own the rights to that wall

With one thought I can collapse it and with half a thought it returns better than ever

This wall has been my protector

Guarding the gardens of my heart

Keeping all who dare to enter out

A few have, on occasion, miraculously entered

Each man who has somehow convinced me to collapse the blockade,

Was the reason the walls grew taller, stronger, and thicker
after they escaped the vined jungle on the inner walls.

I spend my lifetime stacking stones around my heart

I am ready to tear them down, but I am afraid

And all I know how do is build

And so I build

Only On The Inside

Window’s open on a snowy night

Sitting on the couch with the moonbeam light.

Along with the lonely moon and I,

Sits a stranger nearby.

A stranger I use to know well, well kinda

Sits on the opposite side of the ‘L’ shaped sofa.

Frozen like a statue I sit, silent.

Dividing truth from lies can be so violent.

I sit looking into the darkness feeling nothing.

He sits crying, hoping I say something.

He hangs on my every breath.

The wind blows through my wafting curtains like death

Causing pictures and trinkets to fall south

And also him to open his lying mouth.

“Are you cold?” a question I think deserves a reply

“I am now, but only on the inside.”

*inspired by a friend's situation

Personal Chick-Flick

It hit me like a dream of passion or desire

his icy blue eyes melt me by the flame of the fire

we play tag with our gazes as the fire grows hotter

we catch each other glancing being occupied by others

each ember of the flame is jealous of our spark

as we're caught in the act through the light in the dark-

mouthing words to each other until I finally motion

for him to come join my side of the fire by the ocean

movie-like chemistry stirs the flame

as we introduce ourselves by stating our name

after some great laughs and amazing conversation

cops came to break up the occasion

everyone scatters like cockroaches in the light

a safe distance away and now he's out of my sight

I search but he's gone, never to be seen again

I'm left with the remains of the memory of my dream man.